A friend said to me, maybe you were the one who's at wrong. at some point, you were wrong. don't you want to apologize to him? i do, but i don't know how. tried before, but i guess it didn't worked out well coz part of me still harbours the resentment towards him. he reacted badly and you hated it. but it's not his only fault he became that way, part of it was bcoz of you, or most of it i think. so forgive him please dearie dear me. forgive him with all your heart.
And now i don't even know when is the suitable time to do so. deep down i want to let it go, cut it clean, be peace to my mind n soul. each time i think of what i did, i couldn't help to think how foolish was i back then. i'm such a kid. and now i kept on thinking should i ask for an apology one more time or just ignore and let it be as it is. i wish for the best and yet i don't really know what's best to be done. does ignoring helps or one last apology would be better? deeeeep so deeep inside me i really felt sorry for him and sincerely wanted to apologize but i am afraid if it would make matter even worse and so i hold myself back. never was my intention to hurt anybody but bcoz i'm just human, i can't run from making mistakes to myself and to others, and so i'm so sorry that i particularly hurt you physically, mentally and emotionally. hope you will someday forgive me with an open heart. byanata, byane.
The singing song: apologize - one republic
2 comments:
Hanis, he is your past. And somehow, it was not so easy to forgive someone who does something badly to us - feelings. I do have my experience in hating someone too. But afterwards, i became so serba salah and should i or shouldn't ask him for forgiveness.
And then one day, I asked my friend regarding this thing and she told me. "You shouldn't begged him for forgiveness. Maruah awak tu tgi. Kalau mintak maaf randomly pada semua org itu tak apa. But kalau lelaki, dun ever be specific on whom. Because they might think something different *who knows*. Kalau dengan lelaki yang bakal awak nikahi itu penting. Sebab you determine the choices. Either sng nak layan lelaki lain atau tak before nikah."
And it got me into conclusion :)
dear thank you for the life experience advice :)
biasalah mood swing. hehe. i know he was my past, but past do have it's present consequences somehow. it gives us experiences and can change our attitudes. and im reflecting my attitude towards others. you see somehow i did wrong things to him, so does he. last time i remembered, i didn't actually forgive him and so this time i wanted to, so that i can let go of my grudge. it's the mazmumah feeling that guilt me, it's my ego i wanted to fight. i wanted to be more forgiving towards others. that's my target.
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