Baby boy pretty please!

This feeling that I’m having right now had hit me ever since I had learned that I’m pregnant again. That is ‘please this baby be a BOY!’ 😆 I used to have the same feeling when I was pregnant with my first child and it happened again this time. I know I couldn’t change fate but I know I could always have hopes and dreams right? Huhu. I will continue to make prayers as long as I could. But please know that no matter whatever Allah bestow on me, I will always be grateful coz might be that the thing you wanted isn’t the best for you, for Allah knows best. He’s the Almighty, the most knowing for we know not. 

For now, I will keep on praying and hopefully my prayers will be heard. Amiiiiinnnnnnnn 😊

Something that never change

I know one thing that never change about this blog... it is the place i often visit when my emotions aren't stable. Since the begining, this is the place i like to express my frustation the most. And lately my emotions are labile it seems. Im the kind of person who doesnt know how to talk to people when im down. So that is why i write. By writing it sometimes can cool me down. 

Oh Allah, please forgive me. Please giude me. I'm feeling lost again (-_-)

Life is a test

Im stressful. Im feeling down n useless. What should i do? Every time when im feeling down, broken and hopeless, i know that is the time i should reflect myself. Oh Allah gv me strength to move on. Im weak, im easily broken and it's You i need to hold on to. 

mekkah in my heart

Bestnye tgk org2 da mula berangkat ke tanah suci mekkah utk menunaikan haji. Really hope i can be there one day.

Last time a friend of mine she asked randomly, "klu korg dpt pegi melancong lg, agk2 ke mana korg nk pegi?"

One of my friend she said she really want to go to new zealand, it had always been her dream. i didn't answered her question, but it had came to me the feeling of wanting so much to be in mekkah. i really really hope to be there either for umrah or hajj. one of my dream, to set foot in mekkah n madinah at young age, which is now. i'll wait for my call. i believe my time will come, inshaAllah! :')

daddy is my hero

Talk, talk, talk to dad bout the condition in egypt. then i was some kind of begging him to take me home for this raya... bla, bla, bla... majuk, majuk... then okay balik, then paseghah....

Abah: Uda nak balik msia juga ke? terpulang pada uda lah. mana yg terbaik.

Me: Emm, xpela hns duduk cni je la. *ayat pasrah* 2 tahun lepas pon da membazirkan duit abah soh bwk hns blk dr jeddah. so tahun ni kalau abah x restu gak hns x nk paksa, nnt hns yg rasa menyesal. *ayat penuh penyesalan teringatkan tragedi 2 tahun lalu, paksa2 nangis2 soh abh amik teket blk dr jeddah ke msia*

Abah: Jgnlah ckp camtu. dulu pon abh x marah pun. abh acah aje. jgn uda fikir camtu. abah sayang uda. abh restu mana2 keputusan uda.

I cried hearing this from my dad. TT_TT
Ayah mana tak sayang anak? daddy is truly his daughter's hero.

I never blame you dad, sorry for making you feel bad.
I really love you and i miss you so much. nnt kita jumpa kat istanbul ye. =')

Istanbul, aku datang! ^^
Sending love, to my lovely daddy ~<3

kawen oh kawenn

Sekarang ni tiap2 hujung minggu mesti facebook akan penuh dgn gambar-gambar kahwin. "faham-faham je la awak tu dah tua bukan muda lagi. opkos awak da masuk ke alam baru yang dikenali sbg alam 'perkahwinan'. just try and bare with that. huhu. but just don't know why each and every time i see those pictures, somehow this 'phrase' will pop up into mind, "eee takutnya nk kawen" hahaha.. what the tuuut!

Well, i don't know about others yg da kawen n da nk kawen tu, myb they have these thoughts too, tp bile express kat the whole world, they will say their happy feelings over the worries. who knows. tp memandangkan this side of the world, (i mean this blog, the little world of mine) belongs to me, i'm expressing my worries here lah. hehe. but just don't get me wrong, i mesti la ade perasaan hepi nk kawen tu, bekobar2 kot walaupon persiapan satu pon x selesai lagi. hahaha bajet byk masa sgt la tuh. (let me finish my studies first, then i'll put my full effort into this wedding preparation. wat bende under stress tu kan 'best'. hahah. org lain yg tolong risaukan utk awk, awk rilek je. kelam kabut kangggg. ops, mintak2 tak!) but somehow i just like to express it in a different way. haha. tett!! maybe because i NEVER actually let anyone 'in' (into my heart), i'm kinda person who don't fully open to people, the type that easily feels insecure and overprotected. afraid of getting hurt (myb?). so when marriage means sharing your whole life (after this) with a total stranger that is kind of scares me. what if i cannot do so? letting him in fully?

---eh tetibe teringat video yg pernah post baru2 ni psl, 'it's not about the nail'. i think i'm just being like her (the woman in the video) right now. haha. perempuan-perempuan, memanglah suke risau bende pelik-pelik. =.=" eh ape ni jumping2 tulis belog. haha. itu flights of ideas. kuang-kuang-kuang. oke, full stop!!

Anyhow, inshaAllah, Allah will guide my way. HE will help me to open up to my husband later. as long as you do things in Allah's way, His help is with you. don't worry no more okay miss hanis. kui3.

Love your husband because of Allah, and may we stay together till jannah. :')

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Countdown: 3 days to Ramadhan. 

I wonder how Ramadhan this year will be. apa-apa pon tetap berharap i can make this ramadhan better than last year. rindu nk solat tarawih kat gamek ibrahim lg. hopefully i can get this for my last ramadhan in egypt. sayunya bile memikirkan x lama lagi nk tinggal di mesir. lebih sayu dan pilu bile mesir yg kucintai, kampung halaman keduaku bergolak seperti ini. Ya Allah peliharalah bumi ini dan rahmatilah ia. 

Allah will never go back on His promises. keep on praying for egypt..

a mind of a bride to be

"Nanti bile awk announce mesti org terkejut kn." said a friend to me.

Nampak sgt mcm x ready kn. org lain yg nk kawen sume nmpk matang, kt x pon. i replied.

Then she said, "Aah" sambil gelak. 

Hahaha. terbukti mmg mcm x layak je nk kawen. org plg dekat dgn sy, hidup sebumbung, yg hari2 tgk muke ni pon sendiri x caye org mcm sy nk kawen. hahaha. Tidak mengapa, kena yakin dgn diri sendiri yg awk boleh even though from the outside you don't look like one. kah kah kah. inside? 

Twitter walking and read a tweet from a friend who's newly wed 2 days ago. she tweeted that she's already starts surveying on baby walker and stroller. omg!! aren't it a bit too early? NAHHH.. it's just the right time! i guess this is the mind that every bride-to-be and newly weds should have. kids, home and stuff. awk? still thinking of finishing all my movies, series, korean dramas and running man yg byk tu before married. what were you thinking? =.="

Counting days to the big day.....'s'
- biggest final exam as med student
- graduation day
- & the bridal's day
Too many big days i'm counting -.-"

To a new chapter in life. may Allah ease :)

the real cause of pain is you

Got a 'love letter' from someone very well known to me. a best friend. tq dear for the thought and now you're making me feels weird about myself. coz when something goes wrong, the very first person to blame is your own self. not others. and i often forget about that. i'm sorry.. i was wrong. and i was wrong for not telling you that and let you figure it out yourself.

The truth is, it had never been any other one's fault. it had been you all along. it was your mind that controls your feelings. its just that you felt like being fooled by, and it hurts your pride, that what makes you react against it. it's the protective reflex. psychologically it is. yeah.

So be good to everyone no matter who they are and what they did to you. bukankah Islam itu diturunkn demi menyempurnakn akhlak? take the goods and give up the bads. change for a better 'you'!

#self-reminder

costa with love

Alhamdulillah another jumaah. jumaat yg penuh berkah. i spent my morning with a special friend at costa. did some studies but a lot of talking~! huhu. sorry dear i overdid the talking part. ngee~ blame it on the coffee. it overstimulate my speech center i guess. hehe. (blame urself not the coffee plisss.)

Thanks dear for spending some time with me today. hopefully we'll be able to do this again next time, inshaAllah =) 

The end is coming near. we feel happy for it is ending soon but we feel sad too coz surely we'll be missing each other. the years we spend together holds too much memories. though sometimes there is bitterness in the relationship, but still there is sweetness within.

Our friendship is just like coffee. it is bitter, but sweet. =)

why medic?

Doctor: why is it always girls more than boys in medic school? same with the egyptian students. girls are more than boys. why? so girls, what makes you want to take medicine? 

A boy: because they are geeks.. i.e intelligent.

Doctor: are they? i think you girls are stupid. stupid in taking the decision but you are intelligent. *smile* i mean, medicine is a continuous struggle it needs high degree of tolerance. and not all that enter this field are successful. even when you are at the brim of success you still need to struggle to maintain success. and i don't think new doctors get well paid. only top doctors do right? and it is when you become old only then you are rich enough to spend money. but it is when you are young that you should enjoy spending them but when you get old, who's gonna spend all those money?

Students: the kids.

Doctor: see. that's why i say you girls are stupid. stupid to become a doctor.  

Haha. i find it funny when the doctor said that to us. but of course we are doing medicine not just because of money. there is a bigger meaning behind the struggle not only just for richness and spending money 'boros-boros'ly. the reward of the hard work remain the most important thing. Allah does not see the worldly earnings you get but akhirahi earnings is what count the most. Allah knows best.

Ya Allah may the little things i do on earth which to men eyes are useless be the big things i gain for my afterlife inshaAllah. Ya Allah strengthen my faith to You. =') 

for you friends

Looking at those pictures while i was in malaysia last summer and spotted this picture. it's the picture of the 2 of you. suddenly i missed both of you. felt like we're not in touch for quite some time. everybody is getting busy with life smp xde masa nk bertanya khabar. huhu. but surely i miss you two :')

Though miles may lie between us, we never far apart,

for friendship doesn't count miles, it is measured by the heart <3

smile and be happy

Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu, padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi (pula) kamu menyukai sesuatu padahal ia amat buruk bagimu; Allah mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak mengetahui.






Be happy for what you have and don't grieve over things you lost. just maybe the thing you see as bad to you are actually the perfect thing you needed. and that you thought was precious to you but you lost it was actually never was yours and if it happened to be yours, just maybe you'll suffered by it. be thankful to Allah, the Almighty and keep smiling even on bad days.

Allah is testing you because He loves you. He wants you to turn back to Him when you are becoming apart from Him. say "Alhamdulillah" for everything you have, good or bad coz you will never know for sure what's good for you and what's not while Allah knows best.

surprised by the unexpected

Was wondering around twitter yesterday when suddenly i got mentioned by this,

I was like.... what?! i was surprised the story has spread! never thought people would get the news this fast. huhu. ala korg ni x seperais la camni. igt nk wat seprais kat org la konon sekali sendiri yg terseprais. tablehblah. hahaha. i just hope it was not spread at wana n muaz wedding. klu x mmg ramai la yg da tau. hmmm. =( 

I guess twitter is no longer safe for me to scream my lungs out n say what ever my heart desire. i need to find somewhere safer to scream freely. but where would that be? huuu~

daddy's love

Dad: no news mean good news.
Me: why dad?
Dad: saja terigt ank abh yg kenit ni.
Me: im good. bru smlm call mak.
Dad: tu call mak, ni abh. yg rindu kat uda abh bkn mak.
Me: ...

Aaaa~~ terharunye bile abah kata rindu. i'm missing u too dad. :')
Patut hari2 teringat lebih kat abh. petanda rindu rupenye. huhu.

Music mood :: my little girl <3

is this the year of marriage?

I don't know why... but this question kept playing on my mind these few days. 'how do people get married?'.. i mean like, 'how can they decide to marry the person they are marrying?'. like, like seriously.. are you serious?! what a question to ask! haha. *guilty* =P

This year and last year, there's so many of my friends got engaged, getting married and even married. i was like, is this the year and the age of marriage? i ain't even ready for it. haha! *double guilty* =PP

Well i guess we are getting older. at some point, i still feels like i'm just a kid, i'm still one but the reality is i'm not anymore and i have to accept the fact that being 24 means you are a fully grown adult that make decisions on your own free will and live your life by your own way. it's the age people starting to built their own family too. oh, reality do seems weird sometimes but hey, it's reality after all! =D

P/s: maka dgn ini diisytiharkan bhw thn 2013 adalah tahun perkahwinan bagi rakan2 sebaya. bykla kenduri kahwin serta nasi2 myk yg bkl terlepas. uwaaa!! ='( ... aii cam x biasa pulak awk. eh!

terkelu dan terkedu. oh! aku rindu

Mak, "Nnt hanis blk da nk kawen. kejap je hanis nk duduk dgn mak lagi. xpela, elok la perempuan kawen awal. mak pon da makin tua, da x larat nk jaga hanis."

Ya Allah sebaknya rasa hati bila dgr kata-kata itu drp mak. Mak nape ckp mcm tu. sedih hanis. sepatutnya skg hanis la pulak jaga mak abh. sampai hanis dah besar pon mak masih fikir utk jaga hanis. tapi hanis, pernah fikir x nk jaga mak abh?

Ya Allah ampunkn dosa-dosaku, ampunkan dosa-dosa kedua ibu bapaku dan kasihanilah meraka sebagaimana mereka mengasihani aku dari aku kecil hinggalah aku dewasa.

Mak abh, hanis saaaaaangat sayang mak dan abah. hanis tau x mungkin mampu utk hanis balas jasa mak abh tapi harap hanis x akn pernah lupa siapalah dua insan yg byk mendidik, membela, membesarkan hanis. hanis doakan agar Allah sentiasa pelihara mak dan abah di dunia mahupun di akhirat. dan hanis berharap kita sekeluarga dapat sama2 berkumpul semula di syurga kelak, insyaAllah :')

Saat menulis post ini, air mata jatuh berjurai2. rindunye pada mak. mak maafkan hanis. byk salah silap hanis pd mak n abah tapi mak abah x pernah benci hanis. ampunkan hanis. hanis sayang dan rindu mak abah. terlalu syg dan terlalu rindu!

Doaku buat ibu dan abahku selalu. sentiasa dlm doaku.
Love you mum n dad. forever and always. :')

~The Apple of My Eye~

Ni je gambar latest yg ade. Daku ingin pulang~~

love and sacrifice

Antara cinta dan pengorbanan, antara konvo dan perkahwinan, manakah satu pilihan hati?

I say... i choose both. both are important to me. i lived knowing medicine for almost 6 years. i've planned to attend my convocation ceremony since 6 years ago and that means convocation is a big event for me. same goes to the upcoming wedding. unfortunately i can only choose one but not both and that what makes me feel very sad about. thinking of holding the wedding earlier, but i didn't get the permission from 'the final decision maker boss' and to postpone the wedding isn't a very cleaver idea anyway. for me to choose between two important things in my life isn't an easy task. why can't i choose to have both? 

Time is running out and im still in the early phase of making decision with no progress. to be honest, im starting to get bored of thinking about the wedding and all it's possible consequences that follows. and i hope not to think about it. so people, can you help me with not talking to me about weddings or at least not this time. i don't want to talk about it and i wish to take a little rest from it. im stressed and i need an escape. i promise i'll come back to it when i'm all fine and when i'm done sorting things out. thank you for your understanding. i appreciate it a lot. :)

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::Teman Pengganti:: Sedap suara Black. terjatuh hati pulak. hehe. =D

Happy 11th anniversary Legislatures. it had been 11 years since i first set foot in semashur. =O and now we are all grown up, having new jobs, new family and making names across the universe. but nobody knows who we were and how we started. only we know the beginning to the story. what a history :)

apologize

A friend said to me, maybe you were the one who's at wrong. at some point, you were wrong. don't you want to apologize to him? i do, but i don't know how. tried before, but i guess it didn't worked out well coz part of me still harbours the resentment towards him. he reacted badly and you hated it. but it's not his only fault he became that way, part of it was bcoz of you, or most of it i think. so forgive him please dearie dear me. forgive him with all your heart. 

And now i don't even know when is the suitable time to do so. deep down i want to let it go, cut it clean, be peace to my mind n soul. each time i think of what i did, i couldn't help to think how foolish was i back then. i'm such a kid. and now i kept on thinking should i ask for an apology one more time or just ignore and let it be as it is. i wish for the best and yet i don't really know what's best to be done. does ignoring helps or one last apology would be better? deeeeep so deeep inside me i really felt sorry for him and sincerely wanted to apologize but i am afraid if it would make matter even worse and so i hold myself back. never was my intention to hurt anybody but bcoz i'm just human, i can't run from making mistakes to myself and to others, and so i'm so sorry that i particularly hurt you physically, mentally and emotionally. hope you will someday forgive me with an open heart. byanata, byane. 

The singing song: apologize - one republic

let the few be the value

Lately i alwys cry thinking of mum n dad and my family. myb bcoz i know i dont hv much time left with them. im away for too long and when it is time for me to return, i hv to go with someone else. i once promised myself that i wouldn't want to be apart from them any more, let egypt be the last. but now when i think about what my near future holds, i feel sad coz i know it will no longer permissible. deep down, i hoped i did better for them and gave more. but now that i know my time is limited, i just want to make every moment i have with them counts. so that i wont be regretting this later and may it be the most valuable memory to me and to them. :)

Ermmm... ppl might just think wrongly about this post. it's not like i have a terminal disease and im dying or anything.. just say, i am near to building a new family, (which was suppose to be a happy something. and yes it is). just that when i think of how much time left for me to spend with them, that what makes me wanna cry...

Mum dad, truly your daughter misses both of you so much. sorry for all the wrong things i did and for the things i couldnt do. they never were my intentions to hurt either of you. coz mum dad, you are the apple of my eye, and the reason that i live. thank you for everything. i know i won't be able to repay both of you even if i have a mount full of golds, but the least i could do is to make you smile n be happy. love you so much and will always be loving you. although im far from you, just know that my heart is always near to you. =')

Sincerely,
Your little girl and will always be ur little girl :')

final mission

Today is my last day in malaysia, and tonight i'll be boarding my flight at 8.30pm to egypt. hopefully this will be my last trip to the country as a student. ONE MORE YEAR to the finishing line, insyaAllah. can't wait to be back in malaysia next year. hehe. 

Pray that this journey will bring benefit and be filled with His Rahmah. :)